It's my fault.

my blog: "I haven't always been this big (255 lbs, 5'5'). In high school, I comfortably fit into a size 8. And after my first child, I was a 10/12. I can remember the exact moment things changed for me. I went through a very hard point in my life which involved the loss of a child, death of my father, and the ending of a relationship with a man I thought was the one. I would just binge and binge. I knew it wasn't good or healthy, but I didn't care. I just figured I would gain 5 or 10 pounds and then work it off. That was a little over 100 pounds and 4 years ago. It's my fault. It's time to take responsibility and do what needs to be done - even if it's not fun or comforting. I know that in the long run, being healthier, lighter, and slimmer will be rewarding in so many ways.

I'm starting to realize that my size is interfering in my life. I can't get up and down the same, buckling seatbelts is harder, even getting my shoes on is harder. How did I let this happen? I am 29, and in about 6 1/2 months I will be 30. I want to be able to celebrate that day and feel good about myself. I don't want to feel bad and out of shape.

So here it goes. Giving in to cravings nonstop has turned me into someone I'm ashamed of. I would never want my father, whom I believe is in Heaven, seeing me like this. I WILL lose this weight, and I WILL live a healthier, more active life!"